Early Morning Silence by Jeff Briggs

Early morning silence broken by the milkman’s cart

No one around this morning so I pushed out a sneaky fart

But to my surprise standing there was posh Mrs Taylor-Brown

Who looked at me, nose in the air and said, ‘get out of town!’

At first I was a little shocked to see her standing there

In her floral dress and perfect curly hair

But then a wink, a cheeky smile I said, ‘ey up, not so fast!’

Coz I had one more in me and gave her it full blast

Well, milk bottles in her hand were soon placed upon the ground

But on her way back up you could hear the strangest sound

Was it a rumble of thunder or motorbike tearing up a strip

No it was Mrs Taylor-Brown who accidently let one rip

‘Ooops!’, she said, ‘what was that?’, as she looked to blame the cat

‘Henry you naughty boy’, she said, ‘we’ll have none of that’

She stood there prim and proper but knowing what she’d done

The early morning silence had now become some fun

Embarrassed she laughed, apologised and said, ‘before I forget,

Perhaps we could get to together sometime and perform a duet!’

Well I took her at her word and agreed to her request

Every dawn I waited outside her door in my old string vest

Then the early morning silence was broken by the milkman’s cart

No one around this morning so I pushed out a sneaky fart

But Mrs Taylor-Brown is standing here alongside of me

Harmonising and in tune and smiling happily

And the moral of this story I think you will agree

Is not to be in pain, simply let your wind be free

And if you make a happy tune, that’s a bonus too

Even if you’re posh you know there is a lot of wind in you.

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